It has been suggested that I introduce my system to everyone. I think this will be a helpful and informative exercise for my benefit as well.

Here follows an account of the Boys That Lived.

First there is me, Drey. I am a body and a picture frame and a communications hub. There have been several versions of me before this one. Through both voluntary and involuntary dissociation, I and various parts of myself have rewired my emotional systems to survive and adapt. There have been several major rewirings in my life, resulting in the creation of a new “Drey” personality. The most recent of which was last July.

There is {Taran}, one of the first to have a name, but not the first to make himself known. He presented the name “Taran” as a symbol. In my fictional stories there is a character named Taran Baker. “Taran” was a way for my system to alert me that some of the people in my head were not fictional and I had to come to grips with that fact very quickly. This interaction was spawned from a discussion I had with Khailitha and “Taran” embodied all the meanings and resonances I needed to know to understand what was going on inside me.

Taran initially tried to assert his control over the entire system as he felt that he was the only one sane enough to do it. He had a very rigid morality which he sought to impose on everyone as he tried to keep everything under control. He has since become more relaxed, although still very opinionated.

His role seems to be to process new information and translate that into ways that will help make the system grow. He is very adaptable in that respect. He is a self-proclaimed “soccer mom.” He looks out for us. He is friendly, somewhat sarcastic, self-assured. He doesn’t seem to have emotions, though, just appropriate responses.

There is Tommy, who seems very young. He hasn’t been around lately and only comes out under duress or times he feels safe and happy. Tommy is afraid someone will hurt him or abandon him.

*** Potential Triggering Material Ahead ***

The next two require a little more back story. As a child I was involved with occult practices that I apparently invented on my own. I created spellbooks using a runic alphabet and fashioned “magic” sticks by finding wood in the forest and painting it in a special way. I also played at summoning demons.

An entity appeared to me as a huge black panther. This entity attached itself to me as a parasite. I learned to project my consciousness to other places, have dreams that came true, attack people psychically, and know things I should not know. I also began to see monsters. They would not go away.

My attachment to my emotions gradually ebbed away. I said and did terrible things to my family, my friends and to animals. I had flat affect reactions to things that ought to have bothered me greatly, such as the death of friends, relatives, and pets I supposedly cared about.

Even people normally unsensitive to spiritual things were aware of the parasite. Some people could see it and/or hear it. Others just felt there was something fundamentally wrong with me.

To say that the parasite had a negative impact on most of my life is an understatement. It *ate* my life and my relationships. It raped my innocence and bared my soul to an invisible world I was far too young to look upon. I was a child and I saw horrific monsters latched onto strangers. I felt a frustrating numbness where my feelings used to be.

Several exorcisms were performed on me during the course of my life. They did not take. To my existing damage add the feeling of worthlessness that comes from having a demon and growing up in a Christian environment. Nothing could fix me, I thought. Not even God. Because I’m worthless and evil and damned.

What I did not understand until last year was that the parasite would not leave because I didn’t want it to go. Or at least, there were parts of me who looked to it for protection. I had always thought that these other parts were also parasites, or part of it. But they were just scared children who had learned to wear monster faces in order to be safe.

Last October we rid ourselves of the parasite. The aftermath of that was that two personalities came into the light.

#Romero# is the one who is most present lately. Romero is fierce, passionate and somewhat bloodthirsty. He started out young and immature, lashing out. He had a sense of punishment and retribution, which often got directed at me. If he felt that he or any of us had hurt another person, we needed to be punished, usually with a knife.

One day he integrated with Trampoline and became 19 years old and a bit more balanced. He is still pretty angry and vengeful. He is deeply bothered when women are harmed or threatened and he seeks to champion their causes. He is the protector of the body when there is physical danger.

%Ramirez% seemed like an evil mastermind when he was glommed in there with the parasite. He was cold and calculating, always seeking the advantage. When the parasite left, he went to sleep for a while. He awoke at the pleading of his “brother” Romero.

How can I describe him now without offending him? He is a rogue, a charmer, a thespian from a poor man’s Shakespearean play. I get pretty embarrassed by his sense of chivalry and somewhat archaic manner of speaking. Please be forgiving and put your tongue in your cheek when I say that he reminds me of one of those weird SCA guys. 😉

~Matthew~ does not seem to be a part of my system in a conventional sense. There has been debate as to his nature, whether he be a “guide” or “internal helper entity” or what. Matthew has been communicating with me for many years, though I didn’t think of him as something separate from me. Only crazy people hear voices, right? 😉

Matthew took a walk a few months ago and has not returned.

For a while I had two protector entities. One was a large white winged cat beast and the other was some anime-inspired soldier with a swordgun. Neither have been seen since shortly after the expulsion of the parasite. I feel like perhaps their role was fulfilled and they left.

Our inner world is a grassy meadow under a blue sky.

Over my shoulder, across a vast dried up ocean, is a Tower…